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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30149235">hello, their name is</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/spaceflower/pseuds/spaceflower'>spaceflower</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Law &amp; Order: SVU</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Dead name, Implied/Referenced Transphobia, M/M, No Beta, Nonbinary!Sonny, Rafael loves Sonny so much, Rafael yells at everyone, Trans!Rafael, Transgender, Transphobia, he/they sonny, lgbtq+</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 19:02:05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,402</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30149235</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/spaceflower/pseuds/spaceflower</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The squad refuses to use 'Sonny.' Sonny doesn't want to make a big deal out of it, but Rafael has no problem with yelling at everyone.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>38</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>hello, their name is</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dominick “Call me Sonny” Carisi Jr, except no one, calls him Sonny. For as long as he has been a part of SVU, they have never called him by his preferred name. He hasn’t legally changed it in fear of retaliation from his family. He didn’t want to disappoint his family or disrespect his father. He grew used to people calling him Dominick or Carisi, he had no problem with people calling him Carisi, he just didn’t like Dominick. It wasn’t him. He’s Sonny. People always made fun of that name, they said it was childish. Sonny didn’t think so, he thought it suited him. It reminded him of the sun, the warmth, happiness. That's the type of person he was. Or tried to be, at least. Lately, the warmth and happiness of his personality had started to fade. It felt like he was back to being a teenager in his parents' house, having to hide who he was. He hated it. He would put on his fake persona and try to survive the day being anyone but himself. He found the courage to come out once he left for the police academy. His family wasn’t against it but didn’t necessarily support it, not until they saw the Sonny they once knew come back. They saw how happy, and how confident he was again, and have been supportive of him ever since. </p><p>That feeling started to come back, the warmth and happiness started to turn cold and to sorrow. No one on the squad noticed, Sonny was used to hiding their feelings, to hide what was actually wrong. They have years of practice, this was nothing new for them. They would muster up the perfect facade of happiness at work and let it crumble when they got home. Sonny had no problem standing up for victims, defending them, but they couldn’t find the strength to do it for themselves. They didn’t want to transfer again, Sonny liked it at Manhattan SVU. It's where they met Rafael. It’s where they met their partner of two and a half years. Rafael was the first person they told they were non-binary, in which Rafael told Sonny that he was trans himself. Rafael could always tell when something was wrong with Sonny. He could read them like an open book, even when that book is closed and put on a shelf. Rafael knew Sonny better than Sonny knew themselves at times. </p><p>“Sonny,” Sonny was zoned out, staring at the ceiling, “Cariño, what's wrong?” Rafael asked as he turned onto his side to look at Sonny.</p><p>“Hm? Oh. It’s nothing, don’t worry about it, caro.” Sonny’s voice was soft, barely audible. </p><p>“It’s something, you’re never this quiet unless something's wrong,” Rafael placed his hand on Sonny’s chest, “You don’t have to keep things from me, mi amor. Whatever it is, I wanna help.” </p><p>“It’s stupid.” Rafael sat up with that remark, looking at Sonny with concern.</p><p>“If it’s making you feel like this, it’s important. I don’t like seeing you like this. So withdrawn from everyone, I haven’t seen your beautiful smile in days. It's worrying.” Rafael took hold of one of Sonny’s hands, bringing it up to place a soft kiss on his knuckles. </p><p>Sonny sighed, “It’s just when I transferred to SVU, I thought things would be different, I heard so much about this squad. That they would be more supportive. More accepting, but I’ve been here for a while now and they still refuse to call me Sonny. It's always Dominick or Carisi.” He paused for a minute, Rafael letting him take all the time he needed. <br/>“I don’t mind Carisi since that’s my last name, but I can’t do Dominick. That’s not my name. Every time I bring it up, about them calling me anything but Sonny they just laugh and say they aren’t calling me that stupid name. They have no problem calling Fin, Fin when his name is Odafin. But they can’t call me Sonny? I don’t get it, Rafi.”</p><p>“Did you bring this up with Liv? You deserve to work in a safe environment. They know you’re non-binary, right?” Sonny was still looking at the ceiling, not daring to look at Rafael because they knew they would start crying if they see his face.</p><p>“I’ve mentioned it in passing. But even if I didn’t or if I wasn’t non-binary, they should still respect me enough to call me my preferred name. It hurts hearing my deadname, every time they say it, I just see that scared fourteen-year-old trying to figure out what's wrong with them.” Sonny’s voice broke by the end of the sentence, he was giving in to the tears he was fighting back.</p><p>“Hey, look at me,” Sonny turned their face, tears running down their cheek, Rafael wiped them away with his thumb, “I know the pain of being dead named, I know it hurts and what you are feeling is valid, okay? There is nothing wrong with you. Sonny is your name. If you want, I can say something about it to them, I know sometimes it's hard for you to stand up for yourself, but I have no problem putting them in their place.”</p><p>“Please don’t, not right now. Give it time, see if they come around. I don’t want to cause any drama,” Rafael gave them a look, “Please Rafa, I’m finally getting settled in and this is the longest I’ve been anywhere, I don’t want to transfer. It’s okay, I swear.” </p><p>Rafael nodded, “Okay cariño if that's what you want. The offer still stands though, just say the words. I would yell at the president of the United States if I had to. I love you.” Rafael leaned over to place a soft kiss on Sonny’s lips before pulling away.</p><p>“I love you too, it’s getting late, we should go to bed.”</p><p>-</p><p>It’s been two months since their conversation, nothing has changed. Expect Sonny, he was getting worse. Rafael had never seen them like this, and he was worried. Sonny’s work started to get sloppier, they started to get reckless in the field. He started coming home with more cuts and bruises. Sonny was self-destructing. Rafael promised to not intervene, but he had no other choice now. It surprised him that Olivia or Dodds didn’t realize what was happening with their detective. What surprised Rafael the most was Dodds, he was Sonny’s best friend, but even Dodds wasn’t calling him Sonny. </p><p>Rafael walked into the precinct looking for Sonny, but couldn’t see him anywhere. Only detective Rollins was present, she was working on paperwork. She looked up when he walked up to her desk. “Counselor, what are you doing here?”</p><p>“I’m looking for Sonny, have you seen them?” Rafael knew Sonny was talking to a victim with Dodds and Benson. </p><p>“Dominick? I think-“ She was cut off by Rafael. </p><p>“Sonny.” </p><p>“What?” Rollins looked at him, Rafael crossed his arms over his chest, staring at her. </p><p>“His name is Sonny.” His voice stern, the one he uses in court. </p><p>“He’s still on about that? I mean enough is enough already.” Rollins rolled her eyes. </p><p>“Why wouldn’t he still be on about that? It’s his name. The name he wants to be called, and frankly, I find it disrespectful that you won't call him that,” He’s still staring, not breaking eye contact, “That’s his chosen name. I’m sure you wouldn’t like it if people called you Kim or another name that wasn’t yours constantly.”</p><p>“Chosen name? What do you mean by that? Why not just go with his birth name?” Rafael shook his head.</p><p>“You do realize he’s nonbinary, right? He has mentioned it. You probably just didn’t pay attention, not that I’m surprised,” Rollins' jaw dropped in surprise, “As for them not going by their birth name, I cannot speak on their behalf. It’s different for everyone. It’s just like Rafael wasn’t my birth name. I picked it when I transitioned because it felt right.” </p><p>“Wait, you’re non-binary as well?” Rafael let out a chuckle.</p><p>“No, I’m a trans man, I was assigned female at birth, but I wasn’t a woman. I’ve been out about this for nearly two decades by now,” Rollins didn’t say anything, Rafael continued, “Growing up I realized from a young age something was different about me, I didn’t have a connection to womanhood. I realized I was trans when I was seven.” </p><p>“I didn’t know about this. Carisi is like this too? What even is non-binary?” Rafael could tell Rollins was genuinely curious. </p><p>“It’s different for everyone, but generally when someone is non-binary, it means they don't fit between the binary genders, male and female. Some of them can lean more transmasc or transfem, but still don’t identify as either one. Sonny for example uses he/they pronouns, he’s transmasc non-binary, but he’s not a guy. But it's important to remember that pronouns don’t always equal gender.”</p><p>“Wow. I didn’t know about any of this, I’m sorry.” Rafael shrugged,<br/>“I’m not the one you should be apologizing to. You should be doing that to Sonny, and start using Sonny. I’m sure they would appreciate it. If you need information about any of this, I have some books I can lend you.” Rollins smiled and nodded her head.</p><p>“Thank you, counselor, I would like that.” As Rollins finished her sentence the rest of the squad walked into the bullpen. Sonny saw Rafael and quickly made his way away from him, Rafael gave him a look then looked over to Liv.</p><p>“What’s wrong with Sonny?” Rafel asked.</p><p>“Dominick? I don’t know, he’s been acting differently lately, I haven’t been able to figure it out.” </p><p>“Hm. I wonder if it’s because all of you continue to use a name he asked you to not use for them? Or how Sonny thinks you don’t respect them. I’m sure a group of elite detectives could figure it out.” Rafael snapped, he was tired of people treating Sonny like this.</p><p>“What’s gotten into you Barbal?” Dodds pipped in. </p><p>“What’s going on with me? You should be asking yourself that. Ask yourself why you continue to deadname someone,” They were all staring at him now, they haven’t seen him this angry in a long time, “Why such an amazing detective who was always so happy is suddenly withdrawn and being reckless at times? It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to put two and two together. If this elite group can’t figure out what's wrong with one of their own, I would hate to see what else you can't figure out. I’m sure victims would like to know how incompetent this team is.” Rafael knew he shouldn’t have said the last part, but he didn’t care, it needed to be said. </p><p> </p><p>“Rafa” Everyone turned in the direction of the voice, Sonny came back from where he took off too, “It’s okay, you don’t have to do this.” </p><p>“Soleado, I hate seeing you like this, something had to be done about it. It’s about time the rest of the squad respects you as much as you respect them.” </p><p>“Is this about us not calling him Sonny?” Liv finally put the pieces together.</p><p>“Bingo, we have a winner.” Everyone was still looking at Sonny, Sonny had their eyes on the floor. </p><p>“Why didn’t you say anything?” Fin asked, finally saying something. </p><p>“It was just easier to not say anything. I was scared of retaliation like I got every single time I came out at the other precincts I was at. Why do you think I transferred so many times?” Everyone waited to see if Sonny had more to say.</p><p>“I just heard so much about this squad, and I prayed that it would be different, but so far it hasn’t felt different. There have been so many times I thought about just leaving police work altogether, go into law. I mean, how often do you hear about a bisexual non-binary cop?” Rafael made his way over to Sonny, placing his hand on their back, rubbing small circles into it, calming them.</p><p>“Sonny,” Nick spoke up, “I’m sorry, for everything. I’ll do better.” That’s the best he could get from Nick.</p><p>“Yeah, I might not understand the whole gender thing, but I’ll try for you.” That's meant a lot coming from Fin. </p><p>“We’ll make sure we will continue to call you Sonny, okay? I’m sorry I haven’t noticed, as your sergeant and as your friend.” Mike walked over to Sonny and pulled them into a hug, Sonny returned it. </p><p>“Sonny, I truly am sorry, I should have known. I take responsibility for this, I will make sure we have a work training about this, I will keep your name out of it if you would like. It’s important people understand the trans community better, especially in our line of work.”</p><p>“Thanks, Lieu” Everyone started to walk away to their own desks, Rollins walked up to Sonny.</p><p>“Sonny, look, I’m sorry, for everything. Barba explained it a bit to me, he offered to loan me some of the books he has on this stuff. I didn’t really know about any of it, but I am deeply sorry for any pain I've caused you. You do not have to accept my apology but I will work on getting your trust back.” </p><p>“It's okay Rollins. You know now, and you will try, that's all I ask.” Sonny hugged Rollins, Rollins was shocked but hugged him back. Rollins let go and went to her desk, leaving Sonny and Rafael alone. </p><p>“Thank you, for what you did.” Sonny grabbed one of Rafael’s hands, holding it in their own.</p><p>“I told you I had no problems yelling at the squad. I would do it again in a heartbeat. But going into law, huh?” Sonny laughed, for the first time in months, Sonny was back. </p><p>“I mean yeah, I have my law degree, I want to put it to use eventually.” Rafael smiled.</p><p>“I can put a word in for you at the DA’s office.” Sonny loved how thoughtful Rafael really was.</p><p>“Thank you, but I think I’m gonna stick around here for a little longer. See if I can make some change here first.” Rafael nodded his head. Rafael was proud of Sonny.</p><p>“I am proud of the person you have become, Sonny.” Rafael stepped closer and kissed his cheek. </p><p>“I love you.”</p><p>"I love you too"</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Follow me on twitter if you would like, @/crispychilton<br/>Let me know what you think!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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